Want Do Done Have Repeat

Ever wondered why your successes can seem so empty or your failures so unfair?

One driver is that we rest our sense of satisfaction, happiness, and fulfilment on acquiring transient things or experiences that are outside our control.

We WANT something in the future - a nice house, good job, career advancement, people to like us, peak experiences.

To get these things, we work out what we think we have to DO - work longer hours, save aggressively, play the corporate game, maintain a carefully curated social image.

After we've DONE all the tasks to get what we want to HAVE, the world responds according to its own rules - others want that job too, some play the corporate game better, that new BBQ area is nice but already the decking needs re-oiling.

We either HAVE or DON'T HAVE what we wanted, and very quickly, that moment slides into the past.

This cycle is like walking up a down escalator - exhausting and ultimately unsatisfying. We keep striving for the next moment, the next pay bump, the next wine price bracket, only to watch each achievement quickly slip into the past.

Even worse, this approach often sabotages our success in life's MOST IMPORTANT areas. Things like joy, connection, and meaning can't be acquired by directly pursuing them.

What if we shifted our focus? Instead of fixating on external markers of success, what if we applied a process focus - starting with who we want to BE?

For instance, the best way to HAVE relationships of value and trust is to BE trustworthy and valuable. You cannot force genuine connections or build them insincerely. When you focus on being fully present and authentic, meaningful relationships naturally follow.

Similarly, career fulfilment comes not from chasing titles or salaries but from bringing your authentic self and full presence to your work each day, which tends to improve your chance of career advancement anyway.

Today, identify one area where you've been chasing outcomes and experiment with a BE-first approach instead. Ask yourself: "What way of BEing, if consistently applied, is likely to build success AND feel right along the way?"  You may find that this brings you closer to the results you've been seeking all along.  Either way, your happiness is not outsourced to factors outside of your control.