Having participated in countless board, executive, and strategy meetings, I've often observed how poorly disagreements are handled.  How quickly they can derail even the most seasoned leaders. It's astonishing how quickly mature professionals can shift from being composed to defensive, stubborn, and even impatient, especially when tensions rise over seemingly small points.  

We know people don’t like being wrong, I don’t like to be wrong.  Smart people with strong personalities, knowledge, and experience are going to argue their corner strongly.  Done poorly you end up with silos, and personal animosity, or disengagement.   

Too much disagreement handled poorly can derail leadership teams, culture, and generate some very poor decisions.  We’ve seen this and know this. 

Too much agreement, however, is a BUG disguised as a FEATURE. 

I've sat in meetings where the goal seems to be getting through the agenda in record time. The Chair patting themselves and the attendees on the back, “hey, meeting closed at 5:25pm, that’s a new record!”  

While efficiency has its place, if your leadership group too quickly seeks agreement or treats dissent with impatience, you're likely missing out on the opportunity to make the best decisions and foster growth and innovation. 

To be clear, I like it when we agree.  However, if I do happen to hold a mistaken belief or understanding, I don’t want to hold that one moment longer than I need to.  We need our ideas tested and our strategies sharpened. 

High performing leadership teams need to solve problems and make high quality decisions.  That requires high quality discussion from diverse minds. We need our perspectives to be challenged and tested to get closer to whatever is true.  We need each other to help course-correct before our strategy drifts too far. 

This is WHY we have boards and exec teams.   

High quality disagreement is the goal we should strive for 

Disagreement—when done well—is a critical feature of strong leadership. It ensures we are continually refining our thinking and making better, more informed decisions.  
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Remember: High-quality disagreement is not only necessary, it is vital. It’s through respectful debate and open exchange of ideas that we sharpen our strategies, refine our actions, and ultimately make better decisions. 

When we struggle to change habits, we often lament our lack of willpower. "If only I had more discipline." "I just need to try harder."  But this perspective misses crucial aspects of the problem. Willpower isn't the hero; it's just one player in a much more complex system. 

It isn't about trying harder it is about working smarter. 

Habit change is brain change, and changing our brain has one significant problem that the 'personal power' style cheer squad choose not to notice. 

Namely, we're inside the bubble. We're trying to change a complex system, from the user interface, whilst you are using it!  I developed my "Brain Change Process™" to explain to my clients how.  

The Brain Change Recipe™ 

The real process of changing habits involves recognizing the key ‘moments that matter’, having useful options available, and then deploying willpower effectively.  

Let's explore why each of these elements matters more than sheer willpower alone. 

Step 1: Noticing - The Crucial First Step 
What arrives in our consciousness is the outcome of non-conscious processes. Not noticing an opportunity to change isn't a willpower failure.  It is closer to a search engine and attention failure. 

The more habituated you become to a behaviour the less conscious awareness you need to repeat it. Your brain becomes efficient at executing the habit, making it increasingly difficult to notice the critical moment when you could choose differently. 

For instance, you do not notice the habit of putting words into syntax when forming sentences.  If you want to speak differently, attend to syntax you must. [see what I did there?] 

If an automated process completes its cycle without your awareness - how can you possibly intervene? 

This challenge is compounded when you're stressed, tired, or busy. These brain states compromise your conscious awareness, further reducing your ability to notice habit triggers. Ever noticed how you tend to 'snack' without really noticing at times when you're tired or distracted? 

Noticing gives you an OPPORTUNITY to do differently. 

Step 2: Knowing - Having Useful Options 
Even if you successfully notice the habit moment, you need useful alternatives to appear in your consciousness. Your complete set of options is limited to whatever ideas arise in that moment.  If helpful alternatives don't emerge, you're likely to default to your established habit. 

This insight is demonstrated in the "What's your Plan B?" Anti-drink-driving campaign. Having people think about their alternative ways home before they’ve had a few drinks is powerful as it increases the likelihood that useful of ideas will arise in the moment when it matters. 

It increases the likelihood that when considering leaving the pub, the idea “What’s your plan B?” arises in consciousness.  Allowing you to notice this moment as a decision point AND already be opening your phone to tap for an Uber. 

Again, brain states play a crucial role. When tired, busy, or stressed, (or drunk!) your brain's ability to generate nuanced options diminishes significantly. Your consciousness is either too occupied or too depleted to think optimally about alternatives. 

Step 3: Acting - Finally we're getting to Willpower 
This is where willpower enters the picture. Acting requires behaving differently than your habit is pushing you to behave. Your habit sends you down path A, and you use willpower to choose path B instead (assuming step 2 has given you a clear 'path B'). 

However, willpower is a finite resource that depletes throughout the day. Your ability to override habits depends on: 

- How deeply ingrained the habit is 
- Your current physical and mental state 
- How much willpower you've already expended that day (e.g. if you have needed to apply mental discipline for much of the day, you’re more likely to have a "snackcident" after dinner). 

And remember—this is just one instance. Habit change requires repeating this process consistently enough to allow your brain to rewire itself. 

The Smarter Approach to Habit Change 
Don't beat yourself up for a "lack of willpower" when numerous other factors influence your success. Instead, be strategic. 

1. What do you need to notice? 
2. What do you want to recall in that moment?  
3. What simple first step action can you take to reduce the draw on 'will power'? (i.e. 'getting your gym shoes on' requires less will power than 'going to the gym' and once your shoes are on, well, you might as well ......) 

Successful habit change isn't about heroic willpower—it's about understanding how your brain actually works and designing smart strategies that work with your neurology, not against it.